So I pick up a pen and some sheets
And I try to write
I try to fill these blank sheets with the colors of my emotions
But my emotions are mostly black and grey
I can’t find the exact words to describe them the way I feel them
Yesterday you told me I’m creative
But how can someone who has been destroyed to the core, create something?
but you don’t leave
you’re always in the back of my head
screaming your existence in my brain
carving your image on the walls of my heart
you don’t go away
you’re here every day, every second
paralyzing my heart with your lies
you’re always here
somewhere in the back of my mind
Tomorrow will come and things won’t be the same.
I’ll leave these things behind.
Your eyes filled with lust
Where I always tried to find love
But you can’t find something that was never present.
And I mistook salt for sugar
I won’t do it again
So I’ll pack my memories and my emotions and leave.
And your cold heart will once again be abandoned for good.
Has it ever crossed your mind that she still lies wide awake in the middle of the night because of you
Has it ever crossed your mind that you are the reason behind those never ending tears
Has it ever crossed your mind that she still shrieks and screams out in the middle of the night
Has it ever crossed your mind that her stomach starts churning and she can barely breathe when she hears your name
Has it ever crossed your mind that her whole anatomy trembles when she gets those flashbacks
Has it ever crossed your mind that she nearly dies the moment when she sees your face
Has it ever crossed your mind that you’re no longer the antidote you promised her you would be
Does it ever cross your mind that you are the poison that’s killing every second of her fragile existence
Do you even remember her?
Did his dreams scare you?
Did you think you were too small in front of them?
Did you lose your balance?
Did you start doubting your existence?
But how can you doubt the magic universe poured into your body when it created you?
How can you doubt even for a moment that you’re worth isn’t much
When the universe put all its resources and capabilities into your creation then how can you doubt the magic that works within you?
Don’t let him or anyone else ever let you down
Because you were born with magic inside you.
it’s not sweet subtle poetry
it’s my tears and blood poured on a sheet of paper
it’s my veins spread out on the canvas
it’s my heart still trying to beat
even when the veins have run dry
because it was stabbed over and over
it’s my nerves trying to send a fading signal to my body to work
it’s my brain trying to process all the heartache
it’s finally my heart and my mind
synchronising for once in my life.
P.S. If I ever write a book, I think this piece will either be on the cover or at the end of that book.
He may touch your face
And he may touch your body
But he can’t touch your heart
And he can’t touch your soul.
Don’t suppress your feelings. At least not to your self. You’re allowed to feel vulnerable, sad and confused. You need to know how you feel. Don’t tell yourself you’re fine when you know how badly hurt or miserable you are. You need to be honest with yourself, only then you’ll be able to figure out how to fix yourself.
Your father subdues any effort
your mother tries to make to keep you alive.
He’s a typical dominating male
from a narrow- minded patriarchal family.
He won’t let you live.
But you aren’t even born yet.
You think you’re safe
inside your mother’s thick belly.
Your mother knows you’re not.
He won’t let you step out into this world.
Because he’s not what you expected.
You’re not the one he desires.
He won’t tolerate you for 9 long months.
Because he wants a boy.
And that’s where everything changes.